Esthar

Esthar, the city of light. A world hidden from the rest, all of blue and silver and gold and white. Everywhere one looked they could easily see the touch of technologies such as had never been seen outside of this one city, save in a place that was now dead. These descendants, this colony, the eastern remnant of the great Centra civilization, the whole of this place was like nothing so many in the world had ever seen before. Where other cities and towns were places of straight lines and sharp corners, Esthar flowed in ways that really couldn't be described outside of art, poetry, or just plain sight. Buildings glowed not only with the lights from windows, but it was almost as if the very crystalline material they were made of had its own light to shed. Never enough to blind, always enough to see by, never enough to block the beauty of a winter sky, but always warm and welcoming to a returning citizen, or a weary traveler. He knew that better than most. There were very few who could fit in either category ever since the hiding of the city. Even less that could claim both.

Amid all of the almost delicate looking buildings, surrounded by so much advanced technology, it was almost silly to think to find anything green, beyond a few main transportation pipes. Not only was this a city that delighted more in it's own construction than in greenery, it was a place where few obviously cared for the idea of tending to plants and the dirt that came with it. There were, of course, green houses, and areas in the more remote areas of the continent that could support the life that the great salt plains the city was built upon couldn't. Yet everything about the city would suggest that finding anything more than a greenhouse for pretty flowers, or the occasional potted plant was quite unlikely. Finding a place where you could look up to the sky without seeing buildings, a place where the glow of the roads was distant, a place where the robes common to the Estharian people just didn't seem practical, a place calm, peaceful, and free of the constant hum that came with the roadways. Only one place like this existed in the city, and to think that for all of his time here, he'd only managed to stumble upon it by pure chance in this week long visit for a bit of the political dabbling that the Gardens were now involved in. That he hadn't known of this park near the outskirts of the city was a testament not to lack of trying on his part, but the sheer size of the city that he hadn't known of it until today.

It wasn't much, he would admit that quite easily. After years living so close to the plains of Balamb, enjoying the forests outside of the fire caverns, even enjoying the bit of life there was to be had in the quads, common areas, and training grounds of the Garden, he had taken very much to the wildness of the world. The sound of wind through the leaves of the trees, the scent of grass damp with dew, the feel of being stretched out in the sun to nap, all were pleasures he took now that he hadn't had in his childhood. This little park with it's too short grass, perfectly pruned trees, strictly set flowerbeds, it wasn't natural really. But it was nature at that, a piece of the rest of the world in this technological paradise, the touch of reminder of Balamb and Garden, and the place he called home. Or had come to think of as home at least. What an odd contrast it made with the truth.

Somewhere in the back of his mind a GF probed at his senses, a delicate touch, but still excited from the feel of it. This one, Siren, had been enjoying the sensations of Esthar since their arrival with the dispatch of SeeDs sent to escort Ellone back to the city, as well as make an honor guard during a presentation of awards for the 'heroes of the war'. It was good she was with him of course, others might be confused by the sense of familiarity the Guardian had for the city, the joy at the hum of the roads that seemed much like one of her songs if a person really though about it, or the way her consciousness had recoiled slightly when Doctor Odine had been present with the official welcome committee for the SeeDs. She knew the city just like he did, she had spent years here of her own, part of early studies into the GFs, into Para-magic, into the things which would become the basis for potions and elixirs and other tonics which later helped the heroes in their battle, and many others in daily life. Through her he could even smell the distant scent of Elnoyle that roamed the salt flats along with many other creates from the Lunar Cry and before then. Siren both enjoyed and loathed those creatures. Enjoyed to work together with a person to vanquish them, loathed them for their similarity to another creature into which she had been placed before it had been released, in hopes that she would come safely into the hands of the SeeDs. So many subtle plots she had been privy to, and shared at times with him. Not that he was free of his own, or that he could withhold them from her. Only they really had known of the city before the heroes had gotten here, and they could only reach out to each other about it. No one else knew that of course. Or they hadn't until today.

Everything had been a caused by a bit of bad luck on top of ill timing on top of dealing with a foolish man who just couldn't remember when to keep his mouth shut. Not that he could blame President Loire of course. A joyous day to be shared by all now that peace had come, and the announcement of his relationship to the stoic Commander of Balamb Garden. How could he not want to share his pride as a father, as late as it came, with another father who should have great pride in a son who was willing to give everything for a greater good? What did it matter that the father was a member of the Esthari presidential cabinet, the minister of technology at that, as well as the husband to the current head assistant of Doctor Odine? Such a good son of a good father and mother, doing as much good work outside of the city as his parents did within! It was a blessing that the clumsy president was so lovable in the eyes of his people, or maybe, just maybe, Nida would have been furious with him.

There had been enough difficulty in the way he'd played his role these last five years. More than his fair share of trouble came from the fact that he was walking in a city that he'd been raised in among people who thought that if he did have any Centra look to him, it was definitely because he was from Dollet, the western remain of the people, rather than a son of the eastern city of Esthar. While he could not claim to be as easily recognized in the city as the president or members of his cabinet, he was still the only son of two important members of the society of this city-state, as well as having been a well known student of the Esthari Military Academy before his departure from the only home he'd ever known to join Garden. So there had been enough risk as being part of the group of SeeDs wandering the city to 'get to know the lay of the land' that he would have run into those who would recognize him somehow. The chances of him being recognized at the welcome ceremony had been high as well, for many of those who represented Esthar were people who knew his parents, knew him, and while they were all bound by the Presidential gag order on his role, while they would have their suspicions, there was always the chance something would slip. How could anyone have expected it from Loire himself, and in front of the entire group of visiting SeeDs?

Honestly, Nida was pretty sure that by the very fact that he'd fled once the President started talking to his father like that, and how he had most likely disappeared beyond the ability for any other SeeD to have found him, he had invariably proven the words of his President as truth. No damage control could be done now, and the look that had passed through the eyes of Squall in that moment before Nida had disappeared from the gathering...

Maybe it was all for the best.

Again he felt the gentle brush of Siren against his senses, this time with the light whisper of her voice telling him that another approached. Most likely a child from the city coming to play in the park with friends, and caught off guard by his appearance. He would have done the same when he was younger, before he'd been into the world beyond Esthar. There were few who would wear things other than the common robes outside of special occasions (the President excluded of course, though the other two Galbadians who worked with him, ministers of his cabinet, did keep to them), and thus the strange clothing would always draw attention. SeeD uniforms were eye catching on their own of course, so it was likely the person would gawk for a while. Nida let them do just that, he didn't care much anymore.

"Let us hope your uniform dries before the dinner tonight."

Were he standing, Nida would have fallen flat on his ass from the unexpected words, and more than that, unexpected voice. As it was his hands came unlaced from behind his head, twitched as they reached to his sides to push him up, but strength failed him in his shock and he only fell back to the ground halfway into the instinctual move to the ready position before a superior. Siren's tinkling laughter filled his head for a time, and Nida couldn't be sure if the grimace he wore was from her amusement, or the sudden pain that had come from his head hitting a rock that he could have sworn wasn't there before in the grass when he fell back. The look quickly changed to shock as he heard a chuckle from the person who had shocked him in the first place. Or what could pass from a chuckle but was probably closer to a single exhaled breath and a twitch of lips.

With more care this time, though still rushed, Nida got to his feet. It took a lot of control not to fall into that desired ready stance, but he managed to triumph over training. He wasn't sure why, but there was just this feeling in him that went with the earlier revelation. What was the point in acting subservient to the Balamb Garden SeeD Commander, one of the people he'd been watching for years and someone who had just found out that he was as much a member of the Esthari military as he was a mercenary, if not more. This man, the Commander, no, Squall, would probably be questioning every conversation they had ever had by this point. Reviewing every interaction to find some sign of Nida's betrayal of the confidence he had offered. For Nida it was a painful thing, knowing that soon everyone he had known for these last five years would be questioning everything they knew about him, everything they had said to him, everything he had been to them.

"I will not be attending, so it doesn't really matter, now does it?"

A single raised eyebrow, something Nida had learned as a questioning tone without any question to go along. Something only Squall seemed to pull off.

"Who gave you permission to excuse yourself?"

Nida was almost taken aback by the whole thing. Was Squall just mocking him, trying to hold power over him, or maybe using what leverage he could to get information? He couldn't figure it out, much less come up with an answer.

"I'd ask how long, but it seems a rather pointless question."

Something Nida could do little more than agree to. It was obvious that the whole time that he had been at Balamb Garden he had been there under cover. Thirteen might be a rather young age to plant a sleeper agent, so to speak, but not unheard of. And it wasn't as if his role was one too heavily steeped in deception. The only real lies he dealt with was where he was from and all that went with it. And of course the idea that he hadn't ever had any experience in battle or magic. Truth of the matter was that he had been the top of his class in armed and unarmed combat for three years, and magic ever since it had been introduced to his class two years before his departure for Balamb. The interesting thing had been toning down all of that, acting worse than he was to better go unnoticed in Garden life.

"Why?" Squall asked instead.

"Orders," Nida easily countered. Surely Squall could understand the idea of following orders given to him.

"No. Not that. Why did you come today?"

Ah, a very good question. Nida wasn't even sure himself. Every moment he stayed in the city had exponentially raised his chances of being discovered. Surely he'd prepared himself years before in the idea that he might never see his homeland again, or his family, or those who had been his friends. It had been his duty though, he'd agreed to the conditions set down by the President and his two main advisors, against the counseling of both of his parents. He was supposed to watch the development of the Gardens, study to see if they were ready for the task they would have to undertake. To work beside Headmaster Cid and learn what he could while reporting whatever he could back to Esthar, so that the city, the President, would be ready for whatever actions were needed to finally deal with the problems that came with a Sorceress. A child raised in the ranks of those who would fight, who better to keep tabs on what happened? Of course all of it had meant lying to people he came to find as important as old friends.

So why had he come today, despite the risks? When there were so many chances for him to be found out, for people to suspect him as a spy rather than an agent used by both sides to help in the handling of a situation no single person could handle, no single country could handle, why take any extra risk?

"You could have said no. I would have picked..."

"You asked me to." The words had tumbled from his lips before he could stop them, and only after they came did Nida realize that it was the truth. He had only come, put so much on the line, because the Commander, no, Squall... no, his friend, had asked him. Not for his parents, not for his friends, not for the city his had missed so much. For his friend.

To this Squall seemed to have no response. Not verbal at least. His weight shifted from one foot to the other as he went through some internal monologue or another.

"What am I supposed to do with you now?" Squall asked after a few moments, and something about the question ruled out the chances that it was rhetorical.

A million answers came at once. Technically he was guilty of betrayal and could be expelled from SeeD, Garden, and possibly Balamb. There was also the personal betrayal many would see in him, which would make many problems in Garden life if he wasn't punished. Squall could easily demand many answers about his reasons, his orders, what he told his superiors in Esthar, and the Esthari government could do nothing about it. He was, after all, told long ago that if he was caught he would be denied as someone they sent. Even if Loire had messed up, Esthar would stick by the same stance. So many possibilities. Torture. Exile. Hatred. Scorn. Dismissal of many sorts. Stationing in some remote place where he could be no harm.

"I don't know."

"I see."

With that Squall turned and began to walk away. Nida was at a loss for what to do.

"Squall..." he said after a moment, reaching out nervously, but pulling back quickly. While the other SeeD stopped moving, he did not turn to look at Nida while he addressed him.

"You will continue to act as is expected of you for the remainder of this trip, but consider yourself on suspension for the time being. I'll figure out what to do with you when we return to Garden. Understood?"

Nida nodded, and after realizing Squall could not see it, he spoke up, answer changing in the time it took for the yes to get from his mind to his lips. "And if I refuse?"

For a moment Squall seemed to ponder that idea.

"You know better than that. Or, I think you do. I'm not sure any more."

Then, assuming Nida would follow the orders given, Squall just walked off. Moved quickly, purposefully over the too short grass, through the perfectly pruned tress, and past the far too neat flowerbeds to a car more than likely waiting to take him back to the ceremony. For a while Nida could do little more than stand where he was, staring at the spot where Squall had disappeared into the vehicle. Once he got over the sudden numbness, he headed for the road and the opted to walk back to the hotel where the SeeDs were staying rather than take a lift. He needed time to think before he got back. Think about how to handle the problem Loire and Leonhart had created, how to deal with the looks of pain and disbelief. Through the numbness he nursed the regret of coming here, for a friend, with the little hope of seeing his parents with pride in their eyes.

Soon he'd be suffering for the sins they would place upon him. Already Nida decided that he would not deny a single one. He would put no pressure on the place that was his home, or the place that had come to be his home. For the rest of this weekend he would smile, act proper, shake the hands of people he already knew and pretend they were meeting for the first time. Carefully he would walk the already fragile ice, pray he could make it to the other side before it shattered and dumped him into the frigid depths. There were, after all, no easy answers, no way out of the position he'd been put in, or put other into. No where to turn for this, nothing to gain from looking back for a way to have avoided this. Only the hope for it all to be over quickly, releasing him from the suffering that was likely to happen because of this.

That didn't stop him from wishing though, that none of this had happened. Wishing that he could have been the boy that grew up in his city and had pride in it, becoming a leader in his own regards. Maybe being born that boy in Dollet and raised at Garden with no question of loyalty. Or maybe just a completely different man.

The whole way back to the hotel was quiet. As quiet as it could be in the softly glowing city, with the peaceful and familiar hum of the lifts and vehicles around him. The ever present and sweet sound of the city he still loved, despite all the time away and all the love he had for Balamb and the sky. Siren echoed its simple loveliness with her own little melodies. For a while he let go of the pain, let the sound ease him of his strain. For now at least he could put aside the problems and take comfort, comfort in the sound.